Toronto Breakfast Vestments » comedy

Omegle Conversation #1 – ZOXARQUEST

PDF — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 21:21:25 +0000

About a year ago i was introduced to OMEGLE. It’s like chatroulette, but without the genitals.

The following is a conversation i had with a real person.

Connecting to server…

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: Hi

Stranger: hello.

You: YOU HAVE ENTERED ZOXARQUEST

You: you are facing a door to the north

You: to your west is a table

You: there is a window facing south

You: what do you want to do?

You: press 1 to look at the table

You: press 2 to go through the door

You: press 3 to look through the window

Stranger: 3

You: you selected 1

Stranger: LOL

You: on the table are a bunch of pies

You: what do you do now?

You: you may press 1, 4, or H

Stranger: H

You: you (h)ang out with the pies, talking about life.

You: YOU FAILED TO COMPLETE ZAXARQUEST

Stranger: ohh dam

You: would you like to play again? y/n?

Stranger: y.

You: YOu have selected 2, go through the door

You: as you walk through the door, you are warmed by the gentle rays and genital rays of the warm Ohio sun. What is the ohio sun doing in Zaxar, you ask yourself

Stranger: and then?

You: game over, you do not know what to do.

You: Do you want to bond with your father? Y/N?

Stranger: N

You: Your father walks into the room, hold ing a baseball

You: “Hello son” he says.

You: his long brown moustache curling with his warm breath as he breathes out. “Do you want to play baseball catch?”

You: you may select J, or 9

Stranger: 9

You: you throw the ball and catch it 9 times.

You: your father/son(daughter?) level has reached 9 bonding units

You: you are now “family”

You: congratulations, family is the only solution to Zaxarquest

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

New Film by Me – Animal Cruelty

PDF — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 17:26:49 +0000

Here you go, a new video on a subject i care deeply about.

Anthony Weiner goes INSANE on Senate floor, brilliant

PDF — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 00:41:41 +0000

[There is a video that cannot be displayed in this feed. Visit the blog entry to see the video.]The Gentleman will observe regular order!

Chewbacca riding a squirrel fighting Nazis – for real

PDF — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 22:41:13 +0000

Chewbacca riding a giant squirrel fighting Nazis.

What is so good about this painting is every element.

I can’t decide if this is retarded, proving humanity’s right to assisted suicide, or if its awesome, proving that aliens should not destroy the planet.

Leave a comment, let me know what you think

Thanks to Kotaku

CBC competition, vote for me!

PDF — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 06:18:08 +0000

CLICK ON THIS

Go here, and vote for me (david dineen-porter) in matchup 3.

I need this!

Possible new web series in the works?

PDF — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 23:46:46 +0000

[4:09:02 PM] slorrin says: hi
[4:09:10 PM] James Hartnett says: hey ddp
[4:09:19 PM] slorrin says: how are you?
[4:09:56 PM] James Hartnett says: pretty good thanks…you?
[4:11:21 PM] slorrin says: oh, can’t complain, can’t complain
[4:11:23 PM] slorrin says: lovely weather we’re having
[4:11:30 PM] James Hartnett says: i hear its very warm
[4:11:35 PM] slorrin says: that it is, that it is.
[4:11:55 PM] James Hartnett says: lovely to chat
[4:12:01 PM] slorrin says: say, have you made up your mind about this big vote about boinetic implants? I hear the Dosai really made a good case at the Agora today
[4:12:39 PM] James Hartnett says: I’m voting yes. Why shouldn’t the Dosai be able to implant whatever they want inside of us?
[4:12:51 PM] slorrin says: too true
[4:13:01 PM] slorrin says: these radicals don’t understand that he has our best interests at heart
[4:13:29 PM] James Hartnett says: of course. we want for nothing!
[4:13:43 PM] James Hartnett says: well except for trifillium, but that goes without saying
[4:14:29 PM] slorrin says: yes. Shame about the Diraxial Moon explosion
[4:14:57 PM] slorrin says: still, i’m happier without trifillium. now i can get outdoors, ride my bike. I felt a bit like a prisoner, being sustained in that trifillium cube all day
[4:15:03 PM] James Hartnett says: well, i’m sure the dosai will find new ways of extracting trifillum
[4:15:09 PM] James Hartnett says: hahaha
[4:15:32 PM] James Hartnett says: me, I miss the cube. outside the cube is too much bother, i say
[4:15:38 PM] slorrin says: you know, with bionetic implants, i don’t think we’ll need it.
[4:15:58 PM] James Hartnett says: trifillium?
[4:16:02 PM] slorrin says: from what i hear, they harvest microorganisms from the air we breathe and the water we drink and turn them into a trifillium substitute
[4:16:11 PM] slorrin says: either way, as long as the Dosai says yes, i’ll put it in my body.
[4:16:27 PM] slorrin says: IF he doesnt’ want me to ride my bike anymore, so be it.
[4:16:41 PM] slorrin says: he knows more than I do, he sees the whole city at once. how could i possibly know what effect i’m having.
[4:17:05 PM] James Hartnett says: hahhaha
[4:17:24 PM] James Hartnett says: is anyone foolish enough to challenge the dosai?
[4:18:02 PM] slorrin says: only Gudrun and his Privateers
[4:18:18 PM] James Hartnett says: Shh!
[4:18:20 PM] slorrin says: still, they inhabit the wasteland outside the Ivory Gate
[4:18:26 PM] slorrin says: no danger to us in here
[4:18:34 PM] James Hartnett says: I was being fecetious!
[4:18:39 PM] slorrin says: oh, of course
[4:18:40 PM] slorrin says: sorry
[4:18:47 PM] James Hartnett says: haha
[4:21:08 PM] slorrin says: still. nice weather under the dome
[4:22:00 PM] James Hartnett says: true. Nice to have the dome in addition to the cubes.
[4:27:22 PM] James Hartnett says: well im going to log off to eat.. small harvest this autumn so we have to make the most of it eh
[4:28:23 PM] James Hartnett says: (through no fault of the dosai of course)
[4:29:02 PM] slorrin says: if anything, the dosai is the reason we have any harvest at all
[4:29:12 PM] slorrin says: Gurdun and his privateers would have us starve
[4:29:21 PM] slorrin says: Curse the Black Ship Morrain
[4:30:42 PM] James Hartnett says: hahahah
[4:30:48 PM] James Hartnett says: im saving this conversation
[4:31:28 PM] James Hartnett says: i might put this on my website…this is the best
[4:31:29 PM] slorrin says: for the dosai’s records
[4:31:32 PM] James Hartnett says: hahahah

I bet we could turn this world into a 6 part sci fi web series with some green screens and some tinfoil. What say you?

Sketch from 2004 – Onion Deprivation Tank

PDF — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 03:54:04 +0000

I found this and i thought it was funny. A relic from a bygone age when we all did sketch because it was the best and we weren’t bitter

A journalist walks with a scientist through his lab, inspecting various objects, finally stopping in front of a large box with a door on the front.

Interviewer: What is this?

Dr: This is my onion deprivation tank.

Interviewer: Interesting. how does it work.

Dr: I close these doors, the person in the tank is totally deprived of contact with onions.

Interviewer: I gotta say, it smells a lot like onions.

Dr: Well, it is full of onions. It’s also made of onions.

Interviewer: In what way is that an onion deprivation tank?

Dr has no answer.

The Onion

PDF — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 06:51:55 +0000

I frequently try to get into the Onion, but i always fail. Here are some of the ones i think are still not bad.

NASA finds wine on the moon.

Lance Armstrong announces retirement from being an asshole

Jack-o-lantern fright victim regains consciousness – Pitched November 15th around

Not enough blame to go around – this is essentially exactly what the onion does

Man can’t visualize own success – forgot the word “area” at the beginning of this one, apparently

Naughty children tapped for long mars mission. – awww

I think those would have made great Onion Slappers.

L’Brondelle’s Universe tries out Funny or Die

PDF — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 19:59:56 +0000

I hear this is how everyone gets a TV show. They get funny or die to give them one.

L’Brondelle’s Universe – Pilot – watch more funny videos

L’Brondelle Pilot, my friend

PDF — Thu, 27 May 2010 21:28:20 +0000

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