“Honey, I need my $20″, I yelled, the pizza guy getting anxious. but it was too late, she had found the woman i hid in my $20. #wifejokes
Q: What is a wife? A: A knife. #wifejokes
Q: Where does a wife go to enter her dormant phase and heal her deep cuts and wounds? A: Wherever her gestation capsule is buried, holmes.
I wasn’t scared. The eagle had no power over me, except for magic power, magic power that made me scared. #eaglejokes
I was on an escalator, or as I call it, a moving wife staircase that I may also travel on with my wife. #wifejokes
The perfect wife is always patient and lives in the moment. She lives in only one location in time, the Now. She is not a time traveler.
The perfect wife has 2 cups of milk ready. One is in case she drops a previous unspecified third cup of milk, and the 2nd is good too.
“Do you love me?” i asked the wife. But i didn’t need to know the answer. I was just robbing her. #wifejokes
Q: When does a wife learn? A: Between 4 and 6 PM, when her monitor takes its nap. #wifejokes
Q: What part of the wife is most virtuous? A: The Glass Part
Q: How close to the sun is that wife, anyway? A: 24,000 KM.
When a wife and her friends come in, don’t say “hey, it’s a bunch of hams.” They’re not hams. They are wives. Get it right, dumbo #wifejokes
She said she just wanted me to love her, and i said I just wanted a car with its own twitter account. There’s just no telling some people.
Gary has a new wife. What happened to the old wife? She grew a tail. Old Wife’s Tail is also a pun on old wive’s tale. #wifepuns
Wives for miles and miles, each one with her own ruby red sled, and a cap made of the finest leather. It was paradise #wifeparadise
“You are a bad criminal,” said the judge. “I sentence you to the worst punishment of all, to get married to a WIFE.” #ihatehavingawife
The face sucking alien stoped for a moment and let me breathe. That is when i saw that it wasn’t’ an alien at all, but Brenda, my wife
Sarah Palin is the WIFE version of George Bush. #wiveisbad
I was in Syria, being tortured, and they asked me if i wanted to call my wife. It was good to laugh again (At my wife) #wifeissostupid
What do you call a magic spell that can kill a penis and all the fun in the world just by being a total jerk? I call it “my wife” #wifepain
If space has a wife, i bet that’s why space doesn’t really give up any of its secrets very easily. Space is whipped. By a wife. #wifedays
Q: What’s worse than a dead dog? A: A live dog, that you are married to. If you are not married to it, its just a good friend. #dogwife
If your wife was a jar, good luck finding a place to put your nails and screws of different sizes. That jar will NEVER open #nosexwifejokes
If your wife was invisible but her clothes were not invisible it would be weird to see just her clothes. What a fuc*ing bit*h! #wherewife?
What’s that echo? Why, that’s just the sound of my bachelor days bouncing around in a big empty vagina. #bestwifejokesoftime
If your wife was a mountain she’d probably be Mount Nagsalot, or Mount Brenda. #brendanagswife
When my wife goes to the store, she really goes AROUND the store (to get what she wants to buy). #badoldwife
I was thinking of getting my wife a present, but then i remembered that wife is not good. Wife
is bad. hate wife.
Yesterday, my friend called me and my wife didnt’ even tell me. I dont’ understand why she would just try to hurt me all the time #truewife
I saw a website “wifeonwifeaction.com” What does it show? A wife standing on another wife’s shoulders to increase her cruelty range? #wifes
Q: How do you defeat wife? A: (working….)
Q: When does wife stop making sad?! A: Life is over, put dreams to sleep.
Wife is snake? Explains wife’s long pieces of skin and why wife eats mice. Oh, just snake actually. #justasnakenotawife