Toronto Breakfast Vestments

Meanwhile, back in the city of Toronto, 2009…
Vast titanic breasts on an enormous nude chest have just emerged from the city centre, ripping up everything from Bloor and Sherborne to Queens Park Circle…

The man from the hyper-future, Tyra Banks, stands amazed at the chest unleashed by his powerful super-suit’s chestmaker. With him are the nerd he recently met, and soeone who looks remarkably simlar to (name deleted). But it can’t be him, can it? (name deleted) is sleeping, dreaming, even now inside the frown of the universe… then who is this man? What is his plan? And his span? Fan.

The dials and knobs on my suit dialed down and knobbed down to the minimum. I was again allowed to utilize my own bodily limbs to control my directions and motions. how pleasing it was to regain that lost control.

The night air swelled with the rush if heat of the heaving breasts on the now breathing chest, and with the cries and yelps of the hapless Torontonians who had, understandably, not predicted this occurance. Torontonians are notably terrible at predicting the emergence of body parts in the middle of their city, as their future history would bear out time and time again. Old Shafty-Cocks of 2140 really springs to mind.

When last we encountered our hero, he was dead, in the sparsely populated afterlife of frown ejecta.  The Grand Frown of The Universe has realized that he could not digest our protagonist because he was unable to give up his personality to become banal.  Or so he thought!  In actualityville, the mayor recently decreed that much of this is actually only perception, caused by the distant human descendant’s matrix of understanding, his paradigm, created by his socialization, and his various lamps which imbue young human descendants with the necessary social constructs to be totally useless to themselves and society, as Barhalluu the Wise intended.  Due to these measures, one such socially integral force imbued by blaser (bland laser) was the force of self-doubt, or Doublington’s Force, named after Chauncey Doublington, the world’s first human descendant without self-doubt.  His irritatingly self confident poncery caused his extensively planned murder, and in memory of this horrid blitheness, the very thing he most lacked was burdened with his name (as at the time, people’s names were vast megalithic monumental structures, akin to the first Earth Layer’s Pyramids of Giza, only seeping nomenclaturational greases and oils.)

Meanwhile, back at the hospital, the two strangers who crashed into the clock tower on old city hall had just arrived…

Having waited for some time in the oubliet where the families of patients were abandoned, I decided to sing some more tunes to my fellow inmates. Numerous professionals of the hospital attempted to crush my burgeoning musical spirit, but I was resolute. I flashed my index finger and told them that they didn’t own me, that I was my own man, that I could do what I liked, and that I was a being composed of elements no heavier than iron. They were aware of all those facts, they told me, and wanted to see me in private. This was good news. I had probably won a prize.

I walked with two large men, both named Security Man (as far as i was concerned) to a small enclave near the emergency entrance of the hospital. I knew i recognized this hospital, i’d seen it before. THe torpidscraller I was using to track down my victims had it displayed on the packaging actually, as an indication of the kind of flashy memory you might be able to read if only you purchased this brand of torpidscraller.

There, at the entrance, I was enthroned in a regal chair with stately handcuffs attached to an imperious metal clasp. Restrained in grandeur befitting my status, I was again abandoned by lesser primitives of this backward world to consider my own nutrients in private. Good old Glucose, master of the blood.

The truth was that nomatter how many nutrients I considered, (excluding ghost-calcium) I could only think about my buddy. Somewhere inside the hospital he lay, vomiting and asking for change, deep in his flashback to his time spent in hobo-nam. Ye shall be avenged, I pretended. They were probably tubing him up and down with their primitive tubes. And where was I? In some little office spot, with all the nutrients i coudl think of, just mentally enjoying the cycles and rhythms of my body (and any lady’s body too, you know what I mean?).

The waiting was killing me. I took invintory of the items i could see with my eyes wide open, visually scanning with actual real working eyes. I saw the table, the cuffs, the clasp. the clock on the wall that looked like the face of Sir Numberface, who sold me the magic cloak that let me pass through wisconsin undetected. But based on my knowledge of this time period, i knew that the security boys were probably calling the police boys. They woudl totally bust me! Nats!

This was the kind of situation where ordinarily i might give up hope, but ordinarily, I didn’t have exactly the person i was waiting for come into the room i was in, dressed as a doctor, and hugging my body and kissing my face.

“Hey, buddy, what happened to you? did they give you those new clothes?”

“Who cares about my clothes,” he replied in this room with me, “I just cant’ beelive you are here. they think you’ve vanished. i should have known you’d be okay.”

“Vanished? Vanished? OOOH NO.” It was the kind of meaningful realization that I get to have where you dont’ get to know the details until later in the book. It was that kind of realization that only happens to me, and then later, you know, you go back and say “OF COURSE”. Suffice it to say, I “magically got out of my handcuffs and zapped the guy and escaped”.

to be continued…

My companion asked his suit to cloak itself, so that only the inner man would be visible. Grumbling it complied, with a sense of dismal mood at the realization that this meant that its new ruby bracelet would not be observed and appreciated by anyone in this era. It had calculated, it claimed, that it was inevitable that it eventually receive a beautiful ruby bracelet, and ultimately, a matching necklace and two lovely earrings, and perhaps a tiara. Naturally, it brought them into being immediately, along with a mink stall. All of those things were invisible now, and my companion stood proudly, for the first time, visible to me. His skin was green, with a three white striped pattern running down the outer surface of his arms and legs, and with a crest emblazoned on his pectoral muscle of three pointed shapes, underscored with the word “ADIDAS”. Several metal circles on the legs also caught my attention. “What are those?”