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Math Facts

Math facts

It was actually the myans who first invented zero, but they didn’t realize what it was, because they kept covering it with leaves and feeding it popcorn.

The ancient Israelites cut the tips off of their 4s, making them small enough to fit inside fives, which explains the jewish expression all 5s are 9s, and 5 – 4 is insane.

The Chinese minus sign was originally made out of lead, and resulted in transforming the mathematician population of china into the corpse population of the Chinese math corpse theme village, in which the corpses of mathematicians were dropped unexpectedly on pregnant women.  This was considered “pregnancy” by the Chinese at the time, as they had not yet discovered that the babies this action produced were nothing more then rotten organs falling from broken mathematicians, and not the terrifying Chinese babies we know today from the movie gremlins.

The ancient celts didn’t need pi to calculate the circumference of a circle, they needed it to calculate the circumference of their dreams.  Dream on celts, dream on, for duration times pi over Wednesday equals imagination!

Autodestruct sequence armed, said math, we have only 20 seconds left!

Dammit, we can’t leave until we know how many of those 20 seconds each of us 5 gets, considering sarge gets twice as many seconds as the rest of us, and we all get the same amount!  We’re history!” cried neville

Math threw back his bald head and laughed.

“I told you it was lucky he got posted to this brigade, Sarge” said Kevin.

“I’m putting you in for a commendation math”

“Come on, she’s gonna BLOW!”

Jendelson, come here quickly.  My octometer is broken.  Tell me, how 8 is this 8 on your octometer?  Really?  Thanks man, I guess I should have known you’d turn out alright, my sister has good taste in husbands.  Look out behind you!  A sky-4!  And it’s got binary babies!

The opposite of addition is subtraction, but the opposite of subtraction is living well and being kind to your enemies.

Many captains have remarked that using a simple device constructed of a 9 on the end of a string, they could at last sleep easily, knowing that a 9 was on the end of a string, somewhere, somehow, and that the 9 was bright red.

Math was invented to determine how wealthy people were.  Before math, people simply threw sand at each other and asked for a receipt.  Oh cruel fate!  Rueful spite!

Scientists predict that in the future a new mathematical operation called hyper-addition will usurp the role of both addition and multiplication, at which point numbers will start to mysteriously go missing.  Only surly detective Dan Trakes and his mismatch new rookie partner the streetwise rapper DJ Dandy Dan can find out what Trakes already knows, that math is now legally the domain of girls, because of the girls are math and vice versa law of 2267.  The movie ends with everyone wearing shirts.

5 is the only number with an exoskeleton.  4 is the only number with an internal 5.

Math was threatened in the 1920s because of a disasterous fraction fire, probably started by one of those 9ths.  I’m not a racist, but I don’t trust black people one bit.  And there was a fire in the 20s.

The only reason you can’t divide a prime number by any other number than itself and 1 is because of those strange glowing crowns they wear.  If only I could get my hands on one of them and bring it back to my lab.  Then my dad wouldn’t DARE divide me by 5!

Piece of advice, get off the heroin 11, looking pretty skinny.  It’s starting to show.

Triangles are the only shape in nature with their own innate ethnicity.  Though their ethnicity differs from our version.  Triangle ethnicity is a burning hot acid, whereas for us, it is a long white fish, which needs way too much attention, if you ask me.

Most feared of all the Viking ratios was 4:9, because

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One response so far

One Response to “Math Facts”

  1. nitro2k01on May 8th 2010 at 11:50 pm

    Harp. Darp.

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