Toronto Breakfast Vestments

CHINESE STRANGER says:
*hi
IM SO FUNNY says (3:31 AM):
*hello?
IM SO FUNNY says (3:32 AM):
*Is this the ghost of my dead wife, Susan?
CHINESE STRANGER says (3:32 AM):
*how are you
IM SO FUNNY says (3:32 AM):
*i’m in mourning, how are you, susan?
*i miss you
*the kids keep asking when you are coming home.
CHINESE STRANGER says (3:32 AM):
*oh
*haha
*no
*i am monica
IM SO FUNNY says (3:32 AM):
*is that the name st peter gave you?
CHINESE STRANGER says (3:32 AM):
*did you need any IC parts ?
IM SO FUNNY says (3:33 AM):
*oh sorry, not right now, thanks. I am not going to build a new wife for many years.
*enjoy

I”M SO FUNNY!

Meanwhile, back at the hospital.

Deprived of my descendant and his torpidscraller, I am resorting to the old means of storing information. I held in my hand several 8 inch floppy disks which I magnetized variously to retain what words I could think of to describe my situation, or sitch, as I called it. You could basically do that to any word. Or, you cou bas d th t an wo. This is the method used by the Chadfolk in their Fratlands.

As i lay contemplating my ingestion at the hands of Ye Lad of Fort Frown, Pallid Lamb of Frown Pasture, I realized that I was alone. The lad handers of my recent sand handing salmon hand, sand in hand astride we strode, by the sea, he and I, that lake of common blindungsroman we swam, swam handing our salmondary hand lands. He was gone. Tyra Banks was gone. These bland hands now were blaming my glands for handling themselves so poorly. By passing out, or phase-grazing on the green grass of frowning space faces, my heart was sliced by those garden variety blades.

Presumed innocent, I awoke in a living man’s body within the pale white chamber of medical absorption. How long had i been in my dormant state? Reason slowly tickled back into my grinning brain, giddily obliterating all mirthful musing on the nature and function of my predicament. Was it the type of predicament that would lead to fruitful self examination, providing me with the sorts of rhymes that could make me an interstellar cat-lander? Or was it the type of predicament that would ultimately serve only to give me grain, bushel upon bushel of fat yellow grain, glutinous and lovely!

My companion asked his suit to cloak itself, so that only the inner man would be visible. Grumbling it complied, with a sense of dismal mood at the realization that this meant that its new ruby bracelet would not be observed and appreciated by anyone in this era. It had calculated, it claimed, that it was inevitable that it eventually receive a beautiful ruby bracelet, and ultimately, a matching necklace and two lovely earrings, and perhaps a tiara. Naturally, it brought them into being immediately, along with a mink stall. All of those things were invisible now, and my companion stood proudly, for the first time, visible to me. His skin was green, with a three white striped pattern running down the outer surface of his arms and legs, and with a crest emblazoned on his pectoral muscle of three pointed shapes, underscored with the word “ADIDAS”. Several metal circles on the legs also caught my attention. “What are those?”

CLICK THIS

Chris Locke and Aaron Eves over at LGH society whipped up this little treat for you boys and girls.
                                                                                                                                                                

(meanwhile, across town)

The ZZZZOERP took us totally by surprise, and while its significance was not known to us yet, it’s significance wake washed over us with such force that we were momentarily caught in a meaningfulness eddy. Currents of import authoritatively washed great consequence riiples over us. My ally in our temporal-sojourn remarked that his suit was registering a non-triviality factor of over 50 Brubecks, a unit named for Dave Brubeck, the gold standard in significance, even 90 million years after his being eaten by Jacky Chang, noted action comedy star from Changland.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Sippin on Champagne – Autotune

This is the funniest thing.

In my hands i held a torpidscraller, and read back to myself the first 14 entries made into its sheer obsidian exterior. miniscule variations in the refractive index of the glass encoded vast sums of synaptic data, and the means of playing it back was to place the device under your chin, hold it by tilting your head down, and then holding your hands as far out to the side as they could go. Admittedly, the inventor fo the torpidscraller, Faxigorias Maxigorium, was an annoying douche. He gook the secret of the torpidscraller’s synaptic recorder to his grave, and attempts at reverse engineering resulted in more than one scientist sitting on pears: a most heinous fate. Of course, in our time, pears are 9 feet high and their fangs are twice as long as in your day. Or wait, did you have the fangs in your pears yet?