In the history field, Canadians, as we know, are all immigrants from somewhere, not so of Americans, who were generated from pinecones by men, presumably from Atlantis, over 10,000 years ago. This explains why Americans smell like air freshener and every few weeks, spread open their papules to emit seeds into the air.
In war, Canadians are famous for winning the battle of 1812, no less than 30 times, and always on the haunted ground of the Plains of Abraham, whereas Americans won the war of 1812 only twice, both times while it was raining though, so it doesn’t really count.
Did you know that the Americans invented the first cough? I didn’t! But Canada has a list of inventions of its own. It invented insulin, and the apostrophe, which was originally used to inject insulin into conversations!
In Canadian schools, the students learn to read and write, do arithmetic, and understand the environment. In am American school, children are brought in and rubbed against a vast felt shoe until they get hungry, then they are put in box with an egg incase they get bored.
Did you know that when Canadians die, because Terry Fox ran to Manitoba, we turn into a fine gold powder? It’s a good thing we were accidentally born within the same geographical boundaries as Terry Fox, otherwise, we’d do what Americans do when they die, which is gradually decay.
It is now an established scientific fact that the only way to kill a vampire is to plunge a flagpole into his heart bearing the American flag.
A lot of American teens get pregnant every year, which wouldn’t happen if they weren’t so lazy, and would wash their greasy pregnant hands once in a while.
America had the foresight to import black people so that it could have an unfair advantage in the music, film, and outrrrrrraaaageous comedy industries, cornering the market, and creating trade rules that force the superior Canadian artists to rely on boring and uninteresting material, in a vain effort to turn their skin black. Eddie Murphey was once Alex Sanders, of Moncton New Brunswick. (show close up of eddie murphey’s mouth from a picture where it is open, and reveal two eyes and a white face inside the back of his throath)