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Archive for the Tag '2012'

Day 27: halloween

Meanwhile, inside the Frowning Lad of Time and Space….

So this is what it was like to be dead.  It wasn’t that bad actually.  It was basically the same as being at a billy joel concert.  Actually, since billy joel was a musician from 9 trillion or so years in my past, i had no idea whether that reference was amusing, but in my short stint in the 21st century i’m pretty sure i heard basically 30 or so people say that, and everyone around them laughed in the manner of the era, violently, through the lone oral cavity of the face.  Imagine, laughing and eating in the same place.  disgusting.

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90s slang no one uses anymore

• Sweltering – the way we’d describe the heat of heartthrob Luke Perry’s body as it burned in that L.A. Riot #90sslang4 minutes ago from web

• Breath – gaseous coins we spent on air hockey and miniature tables to put our real coins on #90sslang6 minutes ago from web

• Punanigram – Mixing up all the letters stored in a girl’s vagina, in her letter pouch, to make new vagina words #90sslang10 minutes ago from web

• WWF – a charity that reminded everyone that life was a confusing maze of crises, and bathed ducks or something #90sslang11 minutes ago from web

• Laser Dandy – laser version of the phonocube that stored high fidelity recordings of children not learning to work for a living #90sslang12 minutes ago from web

• Clip Hop – a kind of music in which the rap beats are provided on one CD, and the vocals are provided in a severed horses hoof #90sslang13 minutes ago from web

• Bedazzlement – the feeling of growing old and realizing that few of your friends are left alive, and those few are really gross #90sslang15 minutes ago from web

• A Roll Hamper – the kind of car you modified so you could fit a lot more sandwiches by the typically 90s grappling hook launcher #90sslang16 minutes ago from web

• No Duh, Grant – how pre-teens dealt with shadows they thought were stealing their secrets – #90sslang17 minutes ago from web

• Candy Man – a man whose sneakers were covered in glowing gems that he presumably found in one of those 90s UFOs #90sslang19 minutes ago from web

• Steppin Around – willfully disregarding the good of the clan by marrying a woman of the clan MacGreggor #90sslang19 minutes ago from web

• Plague – a way for rappers to spread death and chaos through rural areas without sanitation #90sslang20 minutes ago from web

• Bluejays Baseball Game – anything that was good, or super eg “This is a real bluejays baseball game, your majesty” #90sslang21 minutes ago from web

• Lady of Falcons – a “sister” who really had it “going on” in the “haunted vagina” full of “ghosts” – #90sslang22 minutes ago from web

• the Gray Mistress – the internet #90sslang23 minutes ago from web

• Talk-pipes – the internet #90sslang23 minutes ago from web

• Babe Dracula – a guy who likes to date pretty girls and then post about them on his all HTML webpage full of <hr>  tags #90sslang23 minutes ago from web

• Chesterfield Sunday – brutal slaying of children in a driveby, on a specially rigged sofa on wheels – #90sslang24 minutes ago from web

• Who is responsible for releasing the dogs out? – Question used to weed out weak links in the social hierarchy – #90sslang25 minutes ago from web

• Ka-Zong! – exultation of breaking free from one of those moist man sized cakes we used to get trapped in in the 90s #90sslang26 minutes ago from web

• Homeboat – A male urbanite whose home is in a rusty chest, that he thinks is a boat.  Nice try, ding dong. #90sslang26 minutes ago from web

• Serpent Wizard – A man who slithers around the dance floor, conjuring bats.  Who let that guy in?  #90sslang27 minutes ago from web

• Here are some 90′s slang terms you dont’ hear much anymore #90sslang

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10 reasons why couples fight with each other

funny post
1. money

2. You both need the “best of cameo” CD at the exact same moment, every moment, every day, ever.

3. SHe used all your white-out. You need white-out to “fix history”.

4. She says you cough so much you should be IN a coffin. BUt you are scared to admit that to yourself.

5. You both think Spaghetti Western literally means “western”, but it doesn’t. It’s a dish at fine restaurants.

6. If they don’t, Baron Graldivor will use “the device” on their children.

7. She’s standing on your foot!

8. She won’t shut the fuck up about your supposed god dammned anger problem.

9. One of you, i’m not saying which, has a terminal illness. One of you, i’m not saying which, has a lot of syringes lying around. Just saying.

10. You stopped having sex and the passion is gone. You barely talk anymore, and he doesnt’ have a job you respect.

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Day 26: Graysian Food

Meanwhile, in another part of house…

“I’m calling from inside the house!”, said the voice. Just then, the operator broke in on the conversation.

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Day 25: Teleport Issues

futureccapeMeanwhile, the exact moment that Tyra Bank teleported away from (Name Deleted)’s bullet…

Somehow, the suit had saved me, in a flash I had seen the world around me dissolve into an ambigious cloud. Swirls of color filled my vision and sense not unlike being asked to help your friend move from one house to another flooded my body. Why had (name deleted) decided to kill me? Did it have something to do with my confidence?

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Titles for the porn.

Somebody’s boss has sex.

Camera man discovers house of horny people having sex by fluke

Woman double teamed by men posing as doctors

Fat girl’s hopes unfairly raised by brief encounter with cowboy

Bus stops for lost porn actress.

Man smears soft dink around girl’s privates for a moment

Naughty nurse violates hospital policy and gets fired.

Grouchy hunk in glasses turns out not to be real nerd.

Jenna makes a lasting mistake.

Don’t wink at me that way

Cop relaxes outside someone’s car.

Accused looks right into the eyes of weak willed judge.

Man shakes someone’s sisters breasts with his tongue on them while at a pool

RT @internet Beauty and the Senior


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Day 23: Jackets, Packets, and Rackets

futureccapemeanwhile, our friendly companion in his invisible shame-powered destiny-based suit searches for his missing friend, our protagonist (name deleted).

Shame. Shame. I had to find someone to shame. The suit’s power was running low, and if it ran out in its present invisible state, it would be stuck invisible forever. IT was not entirely a terrible proespect, but it meant that people would probably never understand how it was i was able to do all the marvellous things i could do, as they could not see the apparent explanation of the suit. Needless to say, taking credit for the work of a funny sci fi type suit was essentially one of the worst Sharms.

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Wife Jokes for Rainy Days

funny postWife unwilling to give you back rub? Try this magic cloak on. It makes it feel like you don’t even have a wife. #wifejokes

“Honey, I need my $20″, I yelled, the pizza guy getting anxious. but it was too late, she had found the woman i hid in my $20. #wifejokes

Q: What is a wife? A: A knife. #wifejokes

Q: Where does a wife go to enter her dormant phase and heal her deep cuts and wounds? A: Wherever her gestation capsule is buried, holmes.

I wasn’t scared. The eagle had no power over me, except for magic power, magic power that made me scared. #eaglejokes

I was on an escalator, or as I call it, a moving wife staircase that I may also travel on with my wife. #wifejokes

The perfect wife is always patient and lives in the moment. She lives in only one location in time, the Now. She is not a time traveler.

The perfect wife has 2 cups of milk ready. One is in case she drops a previous unspecified third cup of milk, and the 2nd is good too.

“Do you love me?” i asked the wife. But i didn’t need to know the answer. I was just robbing her. #wifejokes

Q: When does a wife learn? A: Between 4 and 6 PM, when her monitor takes its nap. #wifejokes

Q: What part of the wife is most virtuous? A: The Glass Part

Q: How close to the sun is that wife, anyway? A: 24,000 KM.

When a wife and her friends come in, don’t say “hey, it’s a bunch of hams.” They’re not hams. They are wives. Get it right, dumbo #wifejokes

She said she just wanted me to love her, and i said I just wanted a car with its own twitter account. There’s just no telling some people.

Gary has a new wife. What happened to the old wife? She grew a tail. Old Wife’s Tail is also a pun on old wive’s tale. #wifepuns

Wives for miles and miles, each one with her own ruby red sled, and a cap made of the finest leather. It was paradise #wifeparadise

“You are a bad criminal,” said the judge. “I sentence you to the worst punishment of all, to get married to a WIFE.” #ihatehavingawife

The face sucking alien stoped for a moment and let me breathe. That is when i saw that it wasn’t’ an alien at all, but Brenda, my wife

Sarah Palin is the WIFE version of George Bush. #wiveisbad

I was in Syria, being tortured, and they asked me if i wanted to call my wife. It was good to laugh again (At my wife) #wifeissostupid

What do you call a magic spell that can kill a penis and all the fun in the world just by being a total jerk? I call it “my wife” #wifepain

If space has a wife, i bet that’s why space doesn’t really give up any of its secrets very easily. Space is whipped. By a wife. #wifedays

Q: What’s worse than a dead dog? A: A live dog, that you are married to. If you are not married to it, its just a good friend. #dogwife

If your wife was a jar, good luck finding a place to put your nails and screws of different sizes. That jar will NEVER open #nosexwifejokes

If your wife was invisible but her clothes were not invisible it would be weird to see just her clothes. What a fuc*ing bit*h! #wherewife?

What’s that echo? Why, that’s just the sound of my bachelor days bouncing around in a big empty vagina. #bestwifejokesoftime

If your wife was a mountain she’d probably be Mount Nagsalot, or Mount Brenda. #brendanagswife

When my wife goes to the store, she really goes AROUND the store (to get what she wants to buy). #badoldwife

I was thinking of getting my wife a present, but then i remembered that wife is not good. Wife
is bad. hate wife.

Yesterday, my friend called me and my wife didnt’ even tell me. I dont’ understand why she would just try to hurt me all the time #truewife

I saw a website “wifeonwifeaction.com” What does it show? A wife standing on another wife’s shoulders to increase her cruelty range? #wifes

Q: How do you defeat wife? A: (working….)

Q: When does wife stop making sad?! A: Life is over, put dreams to sleep.

Wife is snake? Explains wife’s long pieces of skin and why wife eats mice. Oh, just snake actually. #justasnakenotawife

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Ghost Days

funny post From twitter.com/pdfformat

Ghost Days

• Kevin eyed the ghost and had an idea. “What if we work together?” Kevin and the Ghost are now both 20 years old. #ghostdays

• “Go long, Ghost!” said kevin. The ghost misunderstood and he stretched his body out very long. The football is now in this museum #ghostdays

• “I like girls, I mean, ghouls!” said Ghost at the sleepover. Kevin was already asleep, so ghost surfed the net then crashed. #ghostdays

• I’m not sure my dad loves me, kevin revealed. The ghost could talk in kevin’s dad’s voice, so he said “I’m a ghost!” in it. #ghostdays

• Even if it was just ionization, hugging the ghost was the best feeling Kevin ever felt indoors. Summer was almost over. #ghostdays

• They looked at the fish nipping at the lake’s surface like they were eating the constellations reflected in it. We were at peace #ghostdays

• WHen the ghost told me it was time for me to see his “special secret”, i was hesitant. But, In the forest depths he showed me his skeleton.

• “I was killed by robbers and left here to bake in the sun, but all of that is over now, now that I have you” said the ghost #ghostdays

• I’ll never forget how that ghost somehow put me in his skeleton and took my body and runs a store now. Ahh, summer. #ghostdays

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Bitter End Ep2 – Second Chances

THE BITTER END – EPISODE 2: Second Chances from The Bitter End on Vimeo.

I laughed and someone heard it, so it must have been out loud.

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