Toronto Breakfast Vestments

1. money

2. You both need the “best of cameo” CD at the exact same moment, every moment, every day, ever.

3. SHe used all your white-out. You need white-out to “fix history”.

4. She says you cough so much you should be IN a coffin. BUt you are scared to admit that to yourself.

5. You both think Spaghetti Western literally means “western”, but it doesn’t. It’s a dish at fine restaurants.

6. If they don’t, Baron Graldivor will use “the device” on their children.

7. She’s standing on your foot!

8. She won’t shut the fuck up about your supposed god dammned anger problem.

9. One of you, i’m not saying which, has a terminal illness. One of you, i’m not saying which, has a lot of syringes lying around. Just saying.

10. You stopped having sex and the passion is gone. You barely talk anymore, and he doesnt’ have a job you respect.

Meanwhile, in another part of house…

“I’m calling from inside the house!”, said the voice. Just then, the operator broke in on the conversation.

Meanwhile, the exact moment that Tyra Bank teleported away from (Name Deleted)’s bullet…

Somehow, the suit had saved me, in a flash I had seen the world around me dissolve into an ambigious cloud. Swirls of color filled my vision and sense not unlike being asked to help your friend move from one house to another flooded my body. Why had (name deleted) decided to kill me? Did it have something to do with my confidence?

A long time ago, infact, december of 2005, i thought i had lost my ability to write songs.  To get over it, i decided to end December with 30 songs.  Thus, the 30 songs in 30 days challenge was born (31 hath december).  So i brought it to 8bc.org, a chiptune website, at some point.  Now we’re all doing it again, but this time, it’s gone high tech.

churchofinternet.com/30s30d has a system for you to upload your songs and share the glory with all participants.

The purpose of this excercise is to get you out of your editorial brain, and into your creative unconscious.  This works, but only if you let it.  So do it, let it.  Unlock a giant within!

If you thought i didnt’ shoot a film with Feist, think again.

This is not that film, however, this is A film.

embedded by Embedded Video

YouTube Direct Style  FUCK

I beat this guy in starcraft. he’s the kid brother of a highschool friend of mine. Anyhow, he quit, and said it was because of any other reason than that he hates to lose, and then picked the funniest fight i’ve ever been the recipient of.

Enjoy.

Admittedly, i was deffinately prolonging the conversation. I deleted a long long long long long long long preamble where he dissected the game and told me that my tactics were unfair, his computer was slow, and his mouse was no good.

CLICK FOR IT HERE

its very long, but some highlights

He told me that he was more valuable than me, objectively, to society. When i asked what scale he was using to determine objective value, he told me that the transplant board of canada would chose him to receive an organ over me, 10 years from now, when he was a doctor and I was a washed up musician.

I told him that the transplant board woudl reject him summarily because he had hemophelia (which he does). He then said that the whole transplant board thing was irrelevant and I was going off on a tangent.

Later i asked him how he knew what he would be in 10 years. He could plan, hope, wish, work, but not know. He reitterated ht was a certainty. When i pointed out that no one is prescient, he said that i was missing the point, the point that he knew what was going to happen in the future.

Just some amazing feats of logic. Sadly, i completely avoided advancing any of my own beliefs or feelings. I just kept asking him to clarify his. that’s my favourite thing.

I guess, technically, James “won” the conversation, because he never became aware of defeat. Feeling defeated is basically defeat, so Sun Tzu tells us. So he is invincible i suppose.

Some of the key arguments to prove that i had a lower relative worth than him.

1) I make 8bit music, and thus, won’t be famous.
2) I have a beard sometimes.
3) I wear a winter cap when its not winter.
4) I don’t aknowledge that, alone of all human beings, James Fraser is capable of knowing his unconscious mind, thus defeating the entire underpinning of psychology, and disproving all known theories of mind and cognition.
5) I didn’t beleive in his psychic powers
6) I used his own arguments against him, proving i was a coward
7) I did the same thing his brother did (apparently), proving i am a coward
I don’t have hemophelia (?)
9) I am 30, and he is 23 (or 24?) (i’m not 30)
10) i stole ‘Adult Swim” (the block of shows on the cartoon network) from canadian/indian author Rohinton Mistry’s short story about adults taking swimming lessons.

i love it!

All of this started because he said the lag made him lose at starcraft. It really ended in a very sudden and surprise victory. It was though no particualr flaw, just luck that i won. anyhow. he said it was lagging too much.

But also said “(6:32 PM) james: and why is it my torrents are getting 100+kbps”

torrents + starcraft = lags? NEW FACT OF LIFE?

BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING I JUST FORGOTTEN he has a son that he’s never visited once. He’s more valuable to society, but not to sure about his son.

FROM MY TWITTER

Titles for the porn.

Somebody’s boss has sex.

Camera man discovers house of horny people having sex by fluke

Woman double teamed by men posing as doctors

Fat girl’s hopes unfairly raised by brief encounter with cowboy

Bus stops for lost porn actress.

Man smears soft dink around girl’s privates for a moment

Naughty nurse violates hospital policy and gets fired.

Grouchy hunk in glasses turns out not to be real nerd.

Jenna makes a lasting mistake.

Don’t wink at me that way

Cop relaxes outside someone’s car.

Accused looks right into the eyes of weak willed judge.

Man shakes someone’s sisters breasts with his tongue on them while at a pool

RT @internet Beauty and the Senior

.

Meanwhile, back at the stuff …

Before me stood a white labcoat encrusted vision of awesomeness. His ignorance of my vanishing and my return meant he had no idea, no idea at all. He had walked directly into what clutches a man such as myself possessed, leathery and moist, and with gentle palpatations, fate was rubbing my facial features into a more pleased arrangement. If he thought me myself from an earlier time, then he would trust me, and i could isolate him, and slay him. This was too good to be true. Oh Tyra Banks, you are going to die. But how will that death affect me, and where was my Tyra Banks?

meanwhile, our friendly companion in his invisible shame-powered destiny-based suit searches for his missing friend, our protagonist (name deleted).

Shame. Shame. I had to find someone to shame. The suit’s power was running low, and if it ran out in its present invisible state, it would be stuck invisible forever. IT was not entirely a terrible proespect, but it meant that people would probably never understand how it was i was able to do all the marvellous things i could do, as they could not see the apparent explanation of the suit. Needless to say, taking credit for the work of a funny sci fi type suit was essentially one of the worst Sharms.

Wife unwilling to give you back rub? Try this magic cloak on. It makes it feel like you don’t even have a wife. #wifejokes

“Honey, I need my $20″, I yelled, the pizza guy getting anxious. but it was too late, she had found the woman i hid in my $20. #wifejokes

Q: What is a wife? A: A knife. #wifejokes

Q: Where does a wife go to enter her dormant phase and heal her deep cuts and wounds? A: Wherever her gestation capsule is buried, holmes.

I wasn’t scared. The eagle had no power over me, except for magic power, magic power that made me scared. #eaglejokes

I was on an escalator, or as I call it, a moving wife staircase that I may also travel on with my wife. #wifejokes

The perfect wife is always patient and lives in the moment. She lives in only one location in time, the Now. She is not a time traveler.

The perfect wife has 2 cups of milk ready. One is in case she drops a previous unspecified third cup of milk, and the 2nd is good too.

“Do you love me?” i asked the wife. But i didn’t need to know the answer. I was just robbing her. #wifejokes

Q: When does a wife learn? A: Between 4 and 6 PM, when her monitor takes its nap. #wifejokes

Q: What part of the wife is most virtuous? A: The Glass Part

Q: How close to the sun is that wife, anyway? A: 24,000 KM.

When a wife and her friends come in, don’t say “hey, it’s a bunch of hams.” They’re not hams. They are wives. Get it right, dumbo #wifejokes

She said she just wanted me to love her, and i said I just wanted a car with its own twitter account. There’s just no telling some people.

Gary has a new wife. What happened to the old wife? She grew a tail. Old Wife’s Tail is also a pun on old wive’s tale. #wifepuns

Wives for miles and miles, each one with her own ruby red sled, and a cap made of the finest leather. It was paradise #wifeparadise

“You are a bad criminal,” said the judge. “I sentence you to the worst punishment of all, to get married to a WIFE.” #ihatehavingawife

The face sucking alien stoped for a moment and let me breathe. That is when i saw that it wasn’t’ an alien at all, but Brenda, my wife

Sarah Palin is the WIFE version of George Bush. #wiveisbad

I was in Syria, being tortured, and they asked me if i wanted to call my wife. It was good to laugh again (At my wife) #wifeissostupid

What do you call a magic spell that can kill a penis and all the fun in the world just by being a total jerk? I call it “my wife” #wifepain

If space has a wife, i bet that’s why space doesn’t really give up any of its secrets very easily. Space is whipped. By a wife. #wifedays

Q: What’s worse than a dead dog? A: A live dog, that you are married to. If you are not married to it, its just a good friend. #dogwife

If your wife was a jar, good luck finding a place to put your nails and screws of different sizes. That jar will NEVER open #nosexwifejokes

If your wife was invisible but her clothes were not invisible it would be weird to see just her clothes. What a fuc*ing bit*h! #wherewife?

What’s that echo? Why, that’s just the sound of my bachelor days bouncing around in a big empty vagina. #bestwifejokesoftime

If your wife was a mountain she’d probably be Mount Nagsalot, or Mount Brenda. #brendanagswife

When my wife goes to the store, she really goes AROUND the store (to get what she wants to buy). #badoldwife

I was thinking of getting my wife a present, but then i remembered that wife is not good. Wife
is bad. hate wife.

Yesterday, my friend called me and my wife didnt’ even tell me. I dont’ understand why she would just try to hurt me all the time #truewife

I saw a website “wifeonwifeaction.com” What does it show? A wife standing on another wife’s shoulders to increase her cruelty range? #wifes

Q: How do you defeat wife? A: (working….)

Q: When does wife stop making sad?! A: Life is over, put dreams to sleep.

Wife is snake? Explains wife’s long pieces of skin and why wife eats mice. Oh, just snake actually. #justasnakenotawife